I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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