Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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