Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
