He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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