My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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