i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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