I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
