Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
