I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
