Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
