I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
