So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
