I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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