She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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