I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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