you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
