You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
