It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we made out on top of his cat.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
