Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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