well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
