Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
