i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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