She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
