took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
