margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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