No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
