I think i sorta joined a cult last night
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
