you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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