You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
