He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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