I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
