there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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