Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
