I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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