she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
there is puke in my bra ... again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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