i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
