I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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