Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
