Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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