I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
