Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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