Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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