Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
