I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
