it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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