someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
