just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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