there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize