here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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