I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
