This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
