I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
