I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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