Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
