bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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