are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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