you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
