You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
