I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
