They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
