I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
