i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
