actually, I'm a sock model
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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