I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
