Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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