Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
