My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
