Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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