It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
