Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize