i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize