I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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