I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
