Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
