I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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