Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
