I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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