oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
not ubering you a puppy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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