were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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