My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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