I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
