he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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