Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize