My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
