When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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