Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Tell her she can't have a vagina
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
