my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
