I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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