Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
