you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
