i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
