my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
