I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
