Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
